Well, today, Mother’s Day 2009, I am 34 weeks pregnant. Seriously? I feel like time is racing by and I haven’t done all of the things I wanted to do this pregnancy! Phil wished me a happy Mother’s Day this morning and told me that I’m the luckiest out of all the moms since I get to spend every second of today with my baby and plus I don’t have to hear him cry or anything! LOL. Part of me is so incredibly excited that I can hardly contain myself and the other part of me wants these pregnant moments to last forever. I am so scared for labor and delivery and terrified that I won’t be a good mother because I just don’t know what I’m doing. It doesn’t matter how many books or articles I read, I feel like I’ll just be left in the dark fumbling around trying to be a mother and that I’ll end up not meeting all of his needs. I know these are all normal, rational fears, but I think they are contributing to my constant and severely emotional state lately. Last night was my amazing husband’s birthday. We went out to dinner with another couple and then he wanted to go bar hopping downtown for a bit. Just the thought of parking downtown and battling all of the crowds at the bars and being so big and pregnant started to really overwhelm me, coupled with the fact that a bunch of friends bailed on the birthday dinner for him already had me kind of sad. Cut to me just sobbing uncontrollably on his birthday and telling him that he would have way more fun without me anyways. He is so amazing and told me how much he loved me and to go home and rest. I just felt awful that I didn’t spend the latter part of the night with him. I drove home feeling like a HORRIBLE wife. Although I know he had way more fun with his buddies than if I would’ve been there all uncomfortable and tired and just PREGNANT. I’ve reached that stage where I’m just never comfortable longer than a couple of minutes.
On a happier note, I had my first baby shower last Saturday, May 3. It was so much fun and so many girls showed up. I was a little worried that there would hardly be anyone there and it would just be the sound of crickets in the background. Our little boy is so spoiled already! We got tons and tons and TONS of clothes and books. We also got quite a few other things that we need as well, like breastfeeding supplies, bottles, wipes, healthcare items, etc. I have another shower on my in-laws side on May 30 (hopefully I don’t have the baby before then!) and then my work is throwing me a post-baby shower in August so they can all see the baby while I’m still out on maternity leave.
At my 34 week doctor appointment, she said the baby is about 4 ½ pounds and everything is right on track. I only gained two pounds in the two week period between appointments, making my total weight gain thus far 24 pounds. Not too shabby. Hopefully I can keep it around thirty. She was really encouraging when she told me that in her experience, most women lose about twenty pounds with delivery and the week after with water weight being flushed out. If I can get through this pregnancy with only ten post-baby pounds to lose, I’m throwing a party. With food! Haha.
Our little boy’s nursery is 99.99999% finished, I’ll post pictures soon. We have most of our “big” items already: crib, dresser, stroller, bouncy, pack & play. The only thing I need to get is a breastpump, which I think I’m going to bite the bullet and get the Medela Freestyle, which is the best one you can buy unless you go hospital grade. I’m still considering renting one of the hospital grade ones initially, but since I plan on breastfeeding for a full year, that will be SO expensive. I’m nervous about breastfeeding and returning to work. My job is so go go go and stressful that I worry that it will cause me to have to stop breastfeeding sooner than I anticipated just because it’s hard to catch a break around there. We’ll see. I’m going to try my very absolute best at this. We also still need to get a swing and various other items, which of course escape me right now. I guess we’ll realize what we are forgetting when he’s here and we don’t have it!
One of my good friends, Joanna, just gave birth to her baby girl on May 7. She was only 4 weeks behind me, due May 20. Eeek! I’m anxious to speak with her and get her whole birth story and to ask her so many questions, but of course the last thing I want to do right now is bother her for details. Part of me is so jealous, I want to meet my little baby too. We’ve been waiting so many years to meet our little miracle, it can’t come soon enough. But keep cooking for just a few more weeks, little mister, for we’ll have the rest of our lives to get to know one another..
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