Today is the first day I've gone to work without my pump! I feel amazingly free and not sad at all. I decided to help the transition, I would slowly stop pumping all together and continue to nurse Jude in the mornings when he wakes up and in the evenings before bed. I am not setting a timeframe to stop doing this, I will do it until I am no longer producing. Judging by how fast my milk supply decreased when I shortened my pumping sessions, I'm wagering that it won't take long at all. I'm okay with that- finally. It will be nice to have the girls back all to myself. Maybe they'll drop a size. That would sure be nice. It's funny, when I was dancing, I used to lament how small and insignificant they were. Now, they could have their own zipcode. It's amazing what a little weight gain and some lactation stimulating hormone production can do.
On the topic of weight gain, I've come to a decision. I'm done being this weight. Hear me? FINISHED. Before I got pregnant, I was well on my way back to ballerina weight. I gained 25 pounds during my pregnancy. Four months post partum, I was eating right and going to the gym and almost back to my pre- pregnancy weight. Now? Let's just say that I'm almost back to the heaviest I've ever been. It's disgusting and there is no excuse, especially when I used to take such wonderful care of my body. I used to spend hours dancing and cross training at the gym and fueling it with (mostly) wholesome foods. I don't eat awful these days, I really don't. Sure, I may have a little too much ice cream with my husband now and then. The big difference is the lack of working out. When I stopped dancing due to an injury and some other personal factors, the 6 hour a day workouts ceased. I enjoyed the new freedom I had to actually do "normal" things like watch TV or shop or go grab drinks with friends. Unfortunately, these things do anything to promote physical activity and the only thing that accompanies those things are empty calories from foods that go with those things. I'm tired of feeling so insecure all the time and the paranoia of running into someone who hasn't seen me since I quit dancing and knowing they are thinking what the hell happened to her?? So, I'm done complaining about it and actually getting off my ass and doing something. I may not be a ballerina with a company anymore, but I don't have to live like this. I can still get back my ballerina body even if I don't have a grueling rehearsal schedule and performing onstage nightly. So that's what I'm doing. I've started going to the gym and working out HARD every single day. I'm going to take up running in the evenings with an eventual goal of running a marathon within the next year. I'm taking yoga two days a week with a friend. I've quit putting complete crap in my body. I have a health screening scheduled for this week: cholesterol, blood sugar, body mass index- a complete workup. I'm sure I won't like the results, but I think it's the slap in the face that I needed to get awhile ago.
How can I show Jude what it is to be healthy and take pride in his body if I don't live it? So, I'm taking a stand and never looking back.
2 comments:
I am glad your first day with the pump was good and you keep up those 2 sessions as long as you can. However when your body stops and you stop, that will be ok as well.
Also good for you for getting back your body. I need to do the same thing. I am not at my heaviest but I still have baby weight to lose. Part of my problem is lack of $$ to join the gym or take yoga or something. I try to go out with Hayden once a week for something that is exercise (like walking the zoo....those hills will kill you.) Can't wait to see you guys next week.
Good for you! It's hard, post-baby, coming to terms with your body. It can be a rough adjustment. and there are so many days I just want to give up! (and there are days when I do, unfortunately.) But feeling good about yourself is priceless... good for you for making the decision to love your body again, no matter what size you wind up with at the end!
Post a Comment