Getting my boobs and my body back.

Today is the first day I've gone to work without my pump!  I feel amazingly free and not sad at all.  I decided to help the transition, I would slowly stop pumping all together and continue to nurse Jude in the mornings when he wakes up and in the evenings before bed.  I am not setting a timeframe to stop doing this, I will do it until I am no longer producing.  Judging by how fast my milk supply decreased when I shortened my pumping sessions, I'm wagering that it won't take long at all.  I'm okay with that- finally.  It will be nice to have the girls back all to myself.  Maybe they'll drop a size.  That would sure be nice.  It's funny, when I was dancing, I used to lament how small and insignificant they were.  Now, they could have their own zipcode.  It's amazing what a little weight gain and some lactation stimulating hormone production can do.

On the topic of weight gain, I've come to a decision.  I'm done being this weight.  Hear me?  FINISHED.  Before I got pregnant, I was well on my way back to ballerina weight.  I gained 25 pounds during my pregnancy.  Four months post partum, I was eating right and going to the gym and almost back to my pre- pregnancy weight.  Now?  Let's just say that I'm almost back to the heaviest I've ever been.  It's disgusting and there is no excuse, especially when I used to take such wonderful care of my body.  I used to spend hours dancing and cross training at the gym and fueling it with (mostly) wholesome foods.  I don't eat awful these days, I really don't.  Sure, I may have a little too much ice cream with my husband now and then.  The big difference is the lack of working out.  When I stopped dancing due to an injury and some other personal factors, the 6 hour a day workouts ceased.  I enjoyed the new freedom I had to actually do "normal" things like watch TV or shop or go grab drinks with friends.  Unfortunately, these things do anything to promote physical activity and the only thing that accompanies those things are empty calories from foods that go with those things.  I'm tired of feeling so insecure all the time and the paranoia of running into someone who hasn't seen me since I quit dancing and knowing they are thinking what the hell happened to her??  So, I'm done complaining about it and actually getting off my ass and doing something.  I may not be a ballerina with a company anymore, but I don't have to live like this.  I can still get back my ballerina body even if I don't have a grueling rehearsal schedule and performing onstage nightly.  So that's what I'm doing.  I've started going to the gym and working out HARD every single day.  I'm going to take up running in the evenings with an eventual goal of running a marathon within the next year.  I'm taking yoga two days a week with a friend.  I've quit putting complete crap in my body.  I have a health screening scheduled for this week: cholesterol, blood sugar, body mass index- a complete workup.  I'm sure I won't like the results, but I think it's the slap in the face that I needed to get awhile ago. 

How can I show Jude what it is to be healthy and take pride in his body if I don't live it?  So, I'm taking a stand and never looking back.

28

It's my birthday today and I'm a mommy.  It's pretty crazy to look back on everything that happened in one year.  Even though this day will probably be the most lowkey birthday I've ever had, it will most definitely be the most profound.  I look at my little Judebug and wonder how I got so blessed.  He is truly my everything.

No major plans for today.  Phil and I are going to go grab dinner at a deelish Mexican restaurant and my parents will watch Jude for the evening.  I sure miss being away from him, I'm so attached!  It's hard working full time during the week that I feel absolutely guilty when I go on a date or have to be away from him for any period of time on the weekends.  This is why I feel practicing the B's of Attachment Parenting works so well for a family whose parents both work fulltime.  We are able to bond every second we are together, and that means the world to us.

In an attempt to lose all my extra baby weight that I am STILL carrying around, I am starting P90X on Monday.  I know a few people who are dedicated to it and they are seriously RIPPED.  So, after Jude goes to bed every evening, I will be dedicating an hour a day to this regime.  I used to dance 8 hours a day, 6 days a week for years, so I'm not worried about the physical demands or the dedication that is required of me.  The only worry I have is if it will have any impact on my milk supply.  I always hear of people warning about starting up a fitness routine causing their milk supply to tank.  I've been looking into this alot over the past few weeks and it seems like the warnings are more towards newer breastfeeding moms whose supply hasn't been established yet.  On kellymom.com, she mentions some studies that point to milk supply increasing with more physical activity.  Also, breastfeeding immediately after cardio could cause a fussy reacion in the baby due to lactic acid buildup in the breastmilk, but this should subside in about an hour post- working out.  I'm already taking fenugreek, blessed thistle, eating oatmeal and drinking tons of water to keep my milk supply going strong at 8 months.  I want Jude to have nothing but breastmilk (and solids) until one year.  I didn't realize how important it was to me until my supply started to tank around 6 months.  I've been doing everything possible to keep up with his demands in regards to my pumping output and so far, things have worked. 

I will report on my P90X progress in this blog.  I will also be posting before pics soon.  Ouch.