12 months

Likes:
Saying all of his new words.  Over and over.
Pointing at things so you can tell him what they are.
Choosing his own books at bedtime.
Rubbing different fabrics on his cheeks to see what they feel like (probably the cutest.thing.ever.)
Running around the house and daycare with one of those push toys.
"Helping" with whatever you're doing.
Trucks.
Whatever Mom and Dad are eating.
Clinging to Mama quite often.
Opening cupboard doors and relieving them of their contents.
Swimming and sprinklers.
Walking!!

Dislikes:
When his pushtoy gets stuck somewhere.
Not getting his way.
Diaper and clothing changes.
Feeling left out.
Not being able to multi-task effectively (his brain works faster than his body).
Lotion/sunblock applied to him.

Sneak peek!

I'm so behind on my blog!  I apologize!  I've got a ton going on right now with work and life and I have a million things I need to blog about.  Fear not, I'll play some catchup this week and will have a few recaps and thoughts.  Stay tuned!  For now, how about just a few photos of Jude at his first birthday party last weekend at Mama's Pizza with the family.  It was a very informal night with grandparents, uncles, and cousins with some pizza and birthday cake.  He wasn't sure about it at first.....but then a whole sugary world opened up for him!  Enjoy and I'll be talking to you all again very soon!

What the....?  Hmmmm...

I'm not sure about this.  Not sure at all.

Here, Dad, try some first, make sure it's not poison.

Oh MAN, how come I've never had this before!

Life Is a Ball.

Well, according to Jude at least.  We're experiencing a mini-explosion of word and word associations in our household lately.  Jude can say and identify Mama and Dada (although sometimes he apparently gets us confused), ball (ba!), book (gook!), hi, dog (da!), monkey (kkkey)...and there are a few others that I "think" he says, but they are too sporatic to say for certain.  His favorite word and thing is "ball".  The kid goes absolutely ape whenever we are at the grocery store and he sees one of those giant containers with those marble swirl bouncy balls.  He starts pointing, kicking his legs excitedly and emphatically repeating over and over "Ba! Ba! Ba! BA! BA! BAAA!" We are the proud owners of three (yes, three) identical of these because Phil puts one in the cart every single time because it makes him so happy.  He hasn't learned the genius move I pull out of my pocket by either a.) avoiding the aisle completely or b.) quickly get away from the display with a silly "peekaboo!" to get him to giggle and it's soon forgotten.  However, this obsession with all things ball has gone beyond the scope of cheap plastic ones.  Display of watermelons and cantalopes?  BA!  Circular wall decorations in restaurants or shops?  BA!  Tires?  BA!  Doorknobs?  BA!  If it's circular, then it's a ball- and Jude wants to have it.

Getting my boobs and my body back.

Today is the first day I've gone to work without my pump!  I feel amazingly free and not sad at all.  I decided to help the transition, I would slowly stop pumping all together and continue to nurse Jude in the mornings when he wakes up and in the evenings before bed.  I am not setting a timeframe to stop doing this, I will do it until I am no longer producing.  Judging by how fast my milk supply decreased when I shortened my pumping sessions, I'm wagering that it won't take long at all.  I'm okay with that- finally.  It will be nice to have the girls back all to myself.  Maybe they'll drop a size.  That would sure be nice.  It's funny, when I was dancing, I used to lament how small and insignificant they were.  Now, they could have their own zipcode.  It's amazing what a little weight gain and some lactation stimulating hormone production can do.

On the topic of weight gain, I've come to a decision.  I'm done being this weight.  Hear me?  FINISHED.  Before I got pregnant, I was well on my way back to ballerina weight.  I gained 25 pounds during my pregnancy.  Four months post partum, I was eating right and going to the gym and almost back to my pre- pregnancy weight.  Now?  Let's just say that I'm almost back to the heaviest I've ever been.  It's disgusting and there is no excuse, especially when I used to take such wonderful care of my body.  I used to spend hours dancing and cross training at the gym and fueling it with (mostly) wholesome foods.  I don't eat awful these days, I really don't.  Sure, I may have a little too much ice cream with my husband now and then.  The big difference is the lack of working out.  When I stopped dancing due to an injury and some other personal factors, the 6 hour a day workouts ceased.  I enjoyed the new freedom I had to actually do "normal" things like watch TV or shop or go grab drinks with friends.  Unfortunately, these things do anything to promote physical activity and the only thing that accompanies those things are empty calories from foods that go with those things.  I'm tired of feeling so insecure all the time and the paranoia of running into someone who hasn't seen me since I quit dancing and knowing they are thinking what the hell happened to her??  So, I'm done complaining about it and actually getting off my ass and doing something.  I may not be a ballerina with a company anymore, but I don't have to live like this.  I can still get back my ballerina body even if I don't have a grueling rehearsal schedule and performing onstage nightly.  So that's what I'm doing.  I've started going to the gym and working out HARD every single day.  I'm going to take up running in the evenings with an eventual goal of running a marathon within the next year.  I'm taking yoga two days a week with a friend.  I've quit putting complete crap in my body.  I have a health screening scheduled for this week: cholesterol, blood sugar, body mass index- a complete workup.  I'm sure I won't like the results, but I think it's the slap in the face that I needed to get awhile ago. 

How can I show Jude what it is to be healthy and take pride in his body if I don't live it?  So, I'm taking a stand and never looking back.

Thoughts on weaning

Well, we've started the process.  Jude will be one year old in less than two weeks and as much as I hate to admit this, it is time.  I always planned on breastfeeding until it was no longer mutually beneficial.  I was hoping to go 18 months, but it looks like Jude, my body, and my breasts have other plans.  He has been dropping feedings and my supply has plummeted.  I still produce enough, but just barely.  I am no longer responding to the pump and only get about two ounces a day at work.  I'm so tired of pumping and pumping and pumping and not getting much.  It's exhausting.  I thought long and hard about it and stopping at one year is the right thing to do.  I'm sick of spending 1-2 hours a day attached to the pump.  I'm tired of taking 5 pills of fenugreek and blessed thistle 3 times a day.  I'm tired of drinking gallons and gallons of water.  I'm tired from having spent approximately 100 hours in my work's lactation room listening to the whir whir whir of the pump.  I'm tired of constantly analyzing how much is left in my freezer stash versus my output for the day and doing the math in my head.  With all of these reasons, plus a few more I won't bore you with.....we're weaning.  I guess I always looked forward to the day I would start to stop breastfeeding and now I'm dreading it.  It's the pumping that I loathe, not the breastfeeding.  Another crappy thing about being a working mom- all of the stresses above are in addition to trying to maintain a good performance at work.  No wonder moms have supply issues when it comes to breastmilk just from the stress of it all!

Anyways, I dropped my pumping sessions at work from 3-4 a day to one.  I thought that when I did this, the engorgement would be unbearable and I would spend the day in extreme discomfort.  Nope.  If I didn't know any better, I would've thought I had been pumping all day.  It was like my body was just waiting for any excuse to stop.  I'm actually very sad writing this and I know I'm doing a poor job of forming my thoughts into words.  It's amazing what you find most important once you're a mother.  I'm going to miss that bond so much.  I'm so glad we stuck with it for as long as we did.  I know that we are ready to do this and Jude seems to be perfectly fine with it.  It's me who is having the difficult time.  I know that with weaning comes a crazy hormone drop which can cause the blues, so I'm thinking quite a bit of the sadness may have to do with this.  We had a good run and the only regret that I do have is not investing in a deep freezer.  By the time I went back to work, I had around 300 oz of breastmilk frozen and pretty much stopped any extra pumping because I didn't have room for it.  In retrospect, I should've invested the $200 in a deep freeze and kept on pumping.  I will keep this in mind for the next baby for sure, if we are so lucky.

Here we go, the beginning of the end of this chapter....