Encouragement

There are SO many BFP's on the TTTC board this week. It is so amazing to see such blessings being bestowed on women who have never lost their faith that their time will come too. If anything, I'm learning that I have patience I never knew I had. Their stories offer so much hope and encouragement that I often find it hard to get down since I know there are so many others to hold me up through their wisdom. I'm so glad I found that board, I would be lost without reading it!

The world and my mind today

It's a scary world out there these days. The housing crisis, stock market collapse, job eliminations, economy, upcoming elections, policital party chaos, etc. is creating a very unsettling feeling. I've been so consumed with TTC lately that now I'm wondering if maybe there is a BIGGER reason than my broken ovaries that we are childless. I can't imagine bringing a child into the world in the middle of The Great Depression II. It would be heartbreaking to have a newborn in a soup kitchen because my house was taken from me. There is a very real possibility that credit will come to a halt and will be given to NOBODY no matter the credit score. That is unfathomable. America exists on credit. Hell, the government moreso than anyone! Without China issuing trillions of dollars in credit to the US, the economy would've tanked long before this.

That being said, who will save us from this collapse? I think we have come to rely too much on the government taking care of us. Americans need to stop being lazy and do what our great-grandparents did. SCRIMP, SAVE, SACRIFICE! So we have to alter our lifestyles from extravagant to simple. Is that so bad? Only then will we start to see positive changes trickling down. America is so all about instant gratification that we don't want to wait several years to see the fruits of our labor. I think that's the problem. Hell, I'm easy to please. I would just like a bill to be passed so that infertility is declared a medical issue and full coverage is available in all states. Because at this point in time, if IVF is deemed the only way we can conceive, looks like it won't be happening. No way no how will I be able to come up with $20,000 for a procedure that might not work.

Enough of my rant, this economy thing is just freaking me out. Plus, I think that AF is about to rear her ugly head. Hopefully soon, I'd like to start the next round of 150 mg Clomid before 2008 is over! Ciao!

Admitting it is the first step.

Hello, my name is Erin and I am infertile.

I am officially starting an IF blog.

I think this will be very beneficial to just let everything out in writing in a place that I can keep away from everyone in my life who is blithely unaware of our struggles.

Ten years ago when I was in high school, Mom took me to the OB/GYN because I only got AF every six months or so. I should mention that I was already pursuing a professional ballet career and so I was your typical ten pounds underweight female. The doctor mentioned that I “probably” had PCOS, but most likely the reason for amenorrhea was because of my low weight and high activity level. She placed me on BCP and sent me on my way.

It is now ten years later, I’ve ‘retired’ from the ballet world at the age of 26, married my wonderful DH two and a half years ago, and threw out the BCPs at the same time. Here we are, years later, and BFN after BFN after BFN.

Went back to the OB/GYN where bloodwork was taken and the official PCOS with anovulation was diagnosed with AF showing every 3-4 months. In July, I went on 100 mg Clomid but did not O. Then 150 mg.  Then 200mg.  Then injectibles.  Then IUI.  Nothing is working.  :(
It’s hard not to get angry, when I see everyone else around me having absolutely no problems getting their BFP after the first week of trying.

It’s hard not to get bitter when the woman down the street collects welfare checks and is pregnant with her 6th baby from a different father.

I hate hearing God has a plan or that I shouldn't stress about it or it won't happen.

I never thought I would be that woman. Yet, here I am. And so begins the journey..