My first belly picture taken at 15 weeks. So exciting!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Love
I know I haven't written on here since October. I guess the reason why is that this baby is such a miracle in the first place, I've been so cautious of every little thing thinking it will be just too good to be true. I'm going to start writing faithfully now so that once our little Bean is born, I can look back and read about the incredible journey we went on. Today I am exactly 15 weeks. Now that I am safely in the second trimester, I'm shouting it out to the world...and it feels so good. I'M PREGNANT!!
The first trimester was a little rough. I got my morning sickness at night, which was both convenient in that I was able to get through the work day, and inconvenient in that my poor husband had to hold my hair back and feed me crackers and wipe vomit off my face every night. He's an amazing man. I tried to tell him often in between my heaving. I did experience the extreme fatigue and occasional cravings (egg salad, pineapple, anchovy pizza, Kraft macaroni & cheese).
Around 9 weeks, I had some bleeding, which was crushing. Turns out I have a subchorionic hematoma (blood clot) near my cervix that isn't too much of a threat, but the obvious source of the bleeding. We had an ultrasound at 9 weeks and it was such a relief to see little Bean just dancing away on that screen. My OB said to keep our fingers crossed at that point. At my last checkup at 12 weeks, she said we are pretty much in the clear for having a miscarriage. I've never felt relief wash over me like that. I have another appointment at 17 weeks on January 9, but not an ultrasound unfortunately. I believe this next appointment is the blood test to check for spina bifada and cystic fibrosis and all of that scary stuff. The worries just never seem to end. More frequent updates to come as we continue on this journey.
I love this baby so much.
The first trimester was a little rough. I got my morning sickness at night, which was both convenient in that I was able to get through the work day, and inconvenient in that my poor husband had to hold my hair back and feed me crackers and wipe vomit off my face every night. He's an amazing man. I tried to tell him often in between my heaving. I did experience the extreme fatigue and occasional cravings (egg salad, pineapple, anchovy pizza, Kraft macaroni & cheese).
Around 9 weeks, I had some bleeding, which was crushing. Turns out I have a subchorionic hematoma (blood clot) near my cervix that isn't too much of a threat, but the obvious source of the bleeding. We had an ultrasound at 9 weeks and it was such a relief to see little Bean just dancing away on that screen. My OB said to keep our fingers crossed at that point. At my last checkup at 12 weeks, she said we are pretty much in the clear for having a miscarriage. I've never felt relief wash over me like that. I have another appointment at 17 weeks on January 9, but not an ultrasound unfortunately. I believe this next appointment is the blood test to check for spina bifada and cystic fibrosis and all of that scary stuff. The worries just never seem to end. More frequent updates to come as we continue on this journey.
I love this baby so much.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
BF....P!
I cannot believe this. I have been on a break cycle following a cone biopsy for some precancerous cells they found on my cervix. They removed a portion of my cervix in August and I've been waiting for AF to come so we could try one more round of Clomid before moving on to IUI. I'm coming up on three months without AF, so I decided I was going to call my dr for a script for Provera to bring it on. I decided to take an HPT just in case. After ten minutes, I saw a SUPER faint line! I told myself it was probably an evap line, but got some digitals anyways. 7 test later...PREGNANT!!!!! I can't believe this. I've heard of break cycle miracle BFP's, but never in a million years would've thought after 2.5 years of TTC that it would happen to me this way. My beta on Friday was 90. I have another test today to make sure it doubled. Updates to follow, but O.M.G!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Encouragement
There are SO many BFP's on the TTTC board this week. It is so amazing to see such blessings being bestowed on women who have never lost their faith that their time will come too. If anything, I'm learning that I have patience I never knew I had. Their stories offer so much hope and encouragement that I often find it hard to get down since I know there are so many others to hold me up through their wisdom. I'm so glad I found that board, I would be lost without reading it!
Monday, September 1, 2008
The world and my mind today
It's a scary world out there these days. The housing crisis, stock market collapse, job eliminations, economy, upcoming elections, policital party chaos, etc. is creating a very unsettling feeling. I've been so consumed with TTC lately that now I'm wondering if maybe there is a BIGGER reason than my broken ovaries that we are childless. I can't imagine bringing a child into the world in the middle of The Great Depression II. It would be heartbreaking to have a newborn in a soup kitchen because my house was taken from me. There is a very real possibility that credit will come to a halt and will be given to NOBODY no matter the credit score. That is unfathomable. America exists on credit. Hell, the government moreso than anyone! Without China issuing trillions of dollars in credit to the US, the economy would've tanked long before this.
That being said, who will save us from this collapse? I think we have come to rely too much on the government taking care of us. Americans need to stop being lazy and do what our great-grandparents did. SCRIMP, SAVE, SACRIFICE! So we have to alter our lifestyles from extravagant to simple. Is that so bad? Only then will we start to see positive changes trickling down. America is so all about instant gratification that we don't want to wait several years to see the fruits of our labor. I think that's the problem. Hell, I'm easy to please. I would just like a bill to be passed so that infertility is declared a medical issue and full coverage is available in all states. Because at this point in time, if IVF is deemed the only way we can conceive, looks like it won't be happening. No way no how will I be able to come up with $20,000 for a procedure that might not work.
Enough of my rant, this economy thing is just freaking me out. Plus, I think that AF is about to rear her ugly head. Hopefully soon, I'd like to start the next round of 150 mg Clomid before 2008 is over! Ciao!
That being said, who will save us from this collapse? I think we have come to rely too much on the government taking care of us. Americans need to stop being lazy and do what our great-grandparents did. SCRIMP, SAVE, SACRIFICE! So we have to alter our lifestyles from extravagant to simple. Is that so bad? Only then will we start to see positive changes trickling down. America is so all about instant gratification that we don't want to wait several years to see the fruits of our labor. I think that's the problem. Hell, I'm easy to please. I would just like a bill to be passed so that infertility is declared a medical issue and full coverage is available in all states. Because at this point in time, if IVF is deemed the only way we can conceive, looks like it won't be happening. No way no how will I be able to come up with $20,000 for a procedure that might not work.
Enough of my rant, this economy thing is just freaking me out. Plus, I think that AF is about to rear her ugly head. Hopefully soon, I'd like to start the next round of 150 mg Clomid before 2008 is over! Ciao!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Admitting it is the first step.
Hello, my name is Erin and I am infertile.
I am officially starting an IF blog.
I think this will be very beneficial to just let everything out in writing in a place that I can keep away from everyone in my life who is blithely unaware of our struggles.
Ten years ago when I was in high school, Mom took me to the OB/GYN because I only got AF every six months or so. I should mention that I was already pursuing a professional ballet career and so I was your typical ten pounds underweight female. The doctor mentioned that I “probably” had PCOS, but most likely the reason for amenorrhea was because of my low weight and high activity level. She placed me on BCP and sent me on my way.
It is now ten years later, I’ve ‘retired’ from the ballet world at the age of 26, married my wonderful DH two and a half years ago, and threw out the BCPs at the same time. Here we are, years later, and BFN after BFN after BFN.
Went back to the OB/GYN where bloodwork was taken and the official PCOS with anovulation was diagnosed with AF showing every 3-4 months. In July, I went on 100 mg Clomid but did not O. Then 150 mg. Then 200mg. Then injectibles. Then IUI. Nothing is working. :(
It’s hard not to get angry, when I see everyone else around me having absolutely no problems getting their BFP after the first week of trying.
It’s hard not to get bitter when the woman down the street collects welfare checks and is pregnant with her 6th baby from a different father.
I hate hearing God has a plan or that I shouldn't stress about it or it won't happen.
I never thought I would be that woman. Yet, here I am. And so begins the journey..
I am officially starting an IF blog.
I think this will be very beneficial to just let everything out in writing in a place that I can keep away from everyone in my life who is blithely unaware of our struggles.
Ten years ago when I was in high school, Mom took me to the OB/GYN because I only got AF every six months or so. I should mention that I was already pursuing a professional ballet career and so I was your typical ten pounds underweight female. The doctor mentioned that I “probably” had PCOS, but most likely the reason for amenorrhea was because of my low weight and high activity level. She placed me on BCP and sent me on my way.
It is now ten years later, I’ve ‘retired’ from the ballet world at the age of 26, married my wonderful DH two and a half years ago, and threw out the BCPs at the same time. Here we are, years later, and BFN after BFN after BFN.
Went back to the OB/GYN where bloodwork was taken and the official PCOS with anovulation was diagnosed with AF showing every 3-4 months. In July, I went on 100 mg Clomid but did not O. Then 150 mg. Then 200mg. Then injectibles. Then IUI. Nothing is working. :(
It’s hard not to get angry, when I see everyone else around me having absolutely no problems getting their BFP after the first week of trying.
It’s hard not to get bitter when the woman down the street collects welfare checks and is pregnant with her 6th baby from a different father.
I hate hearing God has a plan or that I shouldn't stress about it or it won't happen.
I never thought I would be that woman. Yet, here I am. And so begins the journey..
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