Mama Bear

This week is dragging. I have three projects due in mid-April. Big ones. I’m at the point where I should be completely stressing out, but I’m strangely not. I think motherhood has calmed me down a bit. I’ve taken a more c’est la vie approach to things and I think it’s totally improved my outlook. Before Jude, these projects would’ve completely taken over my brain and life. Now, I’m able to put work and family into the two separate entities they are supposed to be and I think I’m the better for it. Granted, I bolted awake in the middle of the night last night thinking about a portion of a software upgrade that I felt I needed to work on asap. And then I looked over at my son (who was sleeping peacefully in between Phil and me since I didn’t have the energy for sleep battles last night. FAIL.) and stroked his downy, blonde little head and fell back asleep.


That’s not to say that I’m completely zen about everything. Motherhood has also awakened the mama bear that I apparently had sleeping within me. Convictions I never knew I had come out with their teeth bared whenever I feel Jude or any other child for that matter, is being threatened. When I hear stories on the news about poor, defenseless children being neglected or abused, I choke back the intense feeling of wanting to vomit and I just find myself wishing the worst things on the person that did this to them. Then I hug my baby just a little tighter. I can now spot an uneasy situation from miles away and can avoid it quick as lightning, no questions asked. I no longer have qualms about telling people that I still breastfeed and spouting off the million benefits whenever someone challenges me as to why he is still nursing (It’s amazing how I’ll talk about my breasts with anyone these days.) Or when I politely tell certain in-law family members who try to give my kid meat gravy and ice cream that they need to remove their fingers from my kids mouth before I bite them off. People who knew me before I became a mom knew me as the type of person that would totally let things slide unless I felt very strongly about them….then watch out. Now, I’m much more assertive when I initially feel that I need to be, rather than just waiting things out. I love the fierceness just one little angel baby can bring out in a woman.

All in all, Jude is making me a better, stronger person.